Bikini Kitty Kat-Nip Fetch Oil

The package arrived in the usual, unmarked USPS wrapper, a non-descript oil without any name, any labeling, any branding as not to alert my delivery man of any frisky play at hand. Discrete as its intent, perhaps, the sweetly, bad-ass oil arrived just in time for Valentine’s Day to help the single spinsters and married mavens alike reach for inspiration – an oil not quite for the body, not quite for…ahem…the vajayjay – to help ladies get their groove on. I can just hear the shrieks across blogosphere…

“Can an oil actually help turn you on?” Perhaps…

“Is it safe enough to…ahem, eat…well, in case it gets anywhere I should be concerned about?” Yes. This organic oil is actually 100% vegan for finicky taste buds.

“Will I finally see God or something close to the light?” Ummm, depends on the powers of your concentration.

Just in time for Valentine's Day came the Kat-Nip Fetch ($12.50). I was intrigued. I asked questions. And, I conceded. Not because I’ve got some soft-core desire to test out oils in all there forms & function, but because well this one was created with some serious scientific evidentiary support…and well, because s*x oils need love to. Now, before you get all ‘Hail Mary’ on the review, allow me to share with you why I was intrigued. Bikini Kitty formulated this ultimate sensory, essence-based thrush on the research findings from Dr. Alan R. Hirsch MD, head of the The Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago. I had the distinct pleasure of chatting it up with the good doc about scents & stimulation and whether or not Bikini Kitty was giving me a good ‘ole tease. Apparently not.

N.K.: Has history ever shown any correlation between essentials & sexual drive or the such?
A.H.: The prominent connection between odors & sex among diverse historical periods & cultures implies a high level of evolutionary importance. Ancient Egyptians bated with essential oils in preparation for their assignations; Sumarians seduced women with perfumes. Even Freud said about 100 years ago that to remain a civilized society, we need to repress our olfactory stimuli, otherwise we’d be sexually excited all the time.

N.K.: I wonder how fragrance bloggers would feel about that today. Ok, so, let’s get down n’ dirty. Where did you begin studying such evidence out of the sack?
A.H.: We noticed patients who developed anosmia also developed sexual dysfunction in about 17% of the cases we studied. We realized no one had taken a look at how odors can affect sexual arousal, so we started with medical students & a wide variety of perfumes.

N.K.: Can essential oils actually unleash any of those deeply carnal desires tucked deep, deep down within women and/or men? If so, how?
A.H.: Physiological evidence of the importance of odors in sexual excitation is two-fold: First, during sexual excitation, engorgement of the nose induces development of eddy currents (like small tornadoes). Then, since less of the air goes directly into the lungs, more pheromones (sexual attractants we naturally produce in our bodies, part of that invisible je ne sais quoi that attracts or repels us from a person) can reach the olfactory epithelium and smell is more acute. Breathing from the mouth during sexual excitation is evidence of nasal engorgement maximizes contact with stimulants & pheromones. Second, olfactory ability in women, generally better than that of men (I knew it!), is at its peak during ovulation, perhaps to detect any pheromones present. Increased olfactory ability at this time may explain why periovulatory women tend to have more sexual experiences.

N.K.: Nice to hear women are not slutting it around due to any mistakenly identifed Daddy issues. So, what did your studies show? Which essences worked well on men & their waning libidos? Women want to know.
A.H.: Each of the 30 odors tested produced an increase in penile blood flow. The combined odor or Pumpkin & Lavender had the greatest effect, increasing median-flow by 40%. Least stimulating was Cranberry, which increased flow by 2%.

N.K.: The irony of Bath & Bath Works shoving useless fruity gels & lotions into the marketplace. These glorified iterations serve no purpose when needed & desired most. And, for women?
A.H.: For some reason, Good n’ Plenty candy (aka Black Licorice) when paired with Cucumber showed the highest increase in blood flow, of up to 13%. Interesting, women can also have inhibitory reactions to certain scents; charcoal barbeque meat decreased flow by -14%, while cherry decreased it by 18%. And, surprisingly men’s, cologne decreased the flow by -1%.

So, if a woman complains that her man’s body odor turns her off, he ought to pay heed...snark, snark...but, back to the basics.

It now makes sense why Kat-Nip Fetch is more than just a fetish for those staid Saturday romps between long time lovers. Eroticism & kidding aside, it’s really the organically sound way to get into the swing of the horizontal mambo and indulge within that intangible, irrational feeling of unadulterated joy. Fractionated Coconut and Jojoba oils are weaved with inebriated slivers of organic sweet licorice Anise extracts softened out by arresting folds of Vanilla, which really only appears when warmed up on skin. Because the Anise was extracted within vodka, expect to see the separation of tinctures in the bottle, which can be shaken up. To wince with ecstasy when the mythicism of the G-spot frustrates you both, the testers at Bikini Kitty suggest you dab a few drops of the spankin’ fun oil anywhere beneath the nose or in between your breast & belly button before getting touchy feely. And, foreplay counts. Sandra Byers, Ph.D., author and professor of psychology at the University of New Brunswick, says "Our research shows that men are as interested in foreplay as women are and that they want more than they're having.” And, if he wants more, no better way to go than with a tasty, deliberate oil to turn those carnal cravings into blissful, happy endings.

While I’m certainly a single spinster by night, I can’t attest to an honest go with the oil. Just yet. Give me a few more dates as I have a new DvF dress waiting to seduce. And, I will promise to give an update here. But, Dr. Hirsch’s empirical evidence does show how the deliciously wicked essence of Anise can turn up the heat in your lust…ahem…love life. And you cannot fake science no matter how hard you try.